Thursday, May 11, 2006

We have a website up for the Zombie Free wedding I'm sure you've all heard so much about, filled with information, and with info being added every day.

If you haven't gotten you invite yet, don't worry - you aren't alone. You'll get it eventually (we are bad at this whole thing) but we really hope you'll come anyway.

(they code for the website may or may not be a direct rip off of the code from UFP, just with the style sheet changed)

Posted by Seager @ 07:54 AM CST Link | Click here to give a shit

Monday, May 8, 2006

imaged clipped 'cause it was huge

Take some time and check out a root directory of offensive jesus pictures. (assuming you're into that kind of thing)

Posted by Seager @ 09:43 AM CST Link | Click here to give a shit

Tuesday, May 2, 2006

So... a worked with a guy today who Robin and I haven't worked with in awhile but who's been around on and off from the start. He made the comment: "Man, two years working in a burrito shop sure have made you two bitter!"

Maybe he's right... I do openly admit to hating every single one of our customers (I suppose there are some OK regulars and former employees who are ok). I also realized several months ago that I hate making burritos, and thus probably have the wrong job. But... I really do like beating up on our customers. If they walk in drunk I point at them and declare "YOUR DRUNK!" They hesistate after that for some reason. I also like to convince them that I am drunk and drive deliveries drunk. Robin and I sometimes take turns pretending we are new and yelling at each other in front of customers. Sometimes we fire each other. It's good fun. If I really don't like them I'm just downright hostile.

Here are some recent conversations:

Customer: (at the counter after his burrito is made) Don't I get a discount for no meat?
Me: No.
Customer: But I used to. Didn't that used to be the case?
Me: No.
Customer: (similar bullshit)
Me: You get free Quacamole, is that what you are thinking off?
Customer: I guess so. I wish there was a discount.
Me: Well, maybe you should just learn to eat meat...


Me to chick: What would you like?
Chick: I'm waiting to see what her quesadilla looks like (gestures at a quesadilla half made)
Me: Oh, I can help you with that. (I grab a tortilla, fold it into quarters and hold it up) It looks like this this but with food and shit all inside it.
Chick: oh...
(personally I don't see anything wrong with that, but it made several fellow employee jaws drop and there was giggling afterwords... maybe it was how I said it...)


Drunk, annoying chick: What's the difference between a taco and burrito?
Me: (helping someone else) uhm, what?
Drunk, annoying chick: (repeats herself)
Me: You're getting food? The line is way over there. (gestures to the line, cause I'm helping someone else)
Drunk, annoying chick: but I just want to know what the difference is between a taco and a burrito!
Me: Fine! You know what a taco is, right?
Drunk, annoying chick: Yes.
Me: and you know what a burrito is, right?
Drunk, annoying chick: Yes.
Drunk, annoying chick: (pouts and walks over to bug a different employee)

Last friday night a middle aged drunk hispanic man tried to skip the line and I refused to help him and made him get in line. When someone else finally helped him he asked "why did you help everyone else before me." and gestured at me. He didn't outright call me a racist, but according to the person that helped him it was pretty obvious what he thought.

Christ... I refuse to pretend to hate my minority customers any less than I hate my "regular" customers just because they might think I'm racist. Fuck them. If you are drunk and stupid I'm going to be an asshole to you until you get out of my hair no matter what race you are. Being nice to a belligerent drunk customer gets you nowhere. I've tried it. You have to act like their fucking parents, order them around, and punish them when they misbehave just like you would a 3 year old child. Nothing else works, and being a minority doesn't get them a free pass even if they choose to play the race card.

I really start to wonder some nights if prohibition wasn't such a good idea after all. Those drunks steal anything that isn't nailed down. They stole our outside ashtray, the pictures in the bathroom, bike lights off the back desk, a chain holding up a table... A CHAIN! They stole our bottle opener every weekend until we stopped getting new ones. We thought of chaining it down but, hey, THEY STEAL CHAINS, REMEMBER? They egg and steal shit out of our cars. They steal our bikes and they even steal out of our tip jar. Fuck. Them.

Posted by Seager @ 06:42 AM CST Link | 1 Person gives a shit!

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Hey Ozzie, is this you? That'd be cool...

How does one get in contact with you nowadays, anyway?

Posted by Seager @ 05:49 AM CST Link | 2 People give a shit!

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

this image will fuck the hell out of my site layout, but I don't care.

Picture linked 'cause it was annoying me

Posted by Seager @ 06:14 AM CST Link | 5 People give a shit!

Thursday, March 30, 2006

God damnit, they're so fucking annoying at work. I don't care if you get free quacamole or extra veggies or even if you get Soyrizzo AS LONG AS YOU TELL ME WHEN YOU WALK IN THE STORE but fucking A, why do half the vegetarians around here wait until half way through me making their burrito (normaly a 30-90 second project) to tell me they want soyrizzo (which takes 2-5 minutes to make)? It's not like I don't have a million other fucking things to do there besides serve their sorry asses.

I was told the other day that one can't be truly non-violent unless they are Vegan. Right... Not that I consider myself non-violent, but that's not the point. I can't remember the last time I was violent (at anything living) but that doesn't mean it doesn't have it's uses - even if it's only real good use to to defend from other violence. But, NONE OF THESE THINGS ARE THE POINT! Where do you draw the line with this whole non-violent thing? Killing an animal to eat it is just farther to one side of the scale as, say, mowing your lawn. You're still "violently" killing a living thing. Whatever...

I want to start calling vegatarians "vagitarians" but I'm afraid I'll offend women. ... Hmmm.. However, I'm not offended when someone calls someone else a "dick" because they are jerks, why should women be offended if I call someone a "vagina" if they are wusses (it's really not any different from calling them a "pussy"). That means the stereotype would be that men are jerks and women are wusses? Whatever, as long as we are equal here, I think Title 9 will be happy. Vagitarians it is. Maybe "Sandy Vagitarians"... yes, that's nice an offensive.

It's a shame not everyone agrees with me that, in actuality, nothing is offensive and EVERYTHING is funny. Oh well. Myself and the 5 other people that agree with me are doomed to hell anyway.

Posted by Seager @ 04:48 AM CST Link | 5 People give a shit!

Monday, March 27, 2006

Don't worry. No slightly (highly?) offensive philosophical preaching today.

For those of you that don't check theUnexpected Failure Productions website daily I have a few announcements.

The ISUJC got second in Varieties this year (first last year) and I finally have the videos of both the performances up at UFP as well as a video of Shy of a Dozen who beat us this year.

I also have two new trials videos up - Campus 2006 and Trials 2006.

The videos and descriptions are listed on UFP under "performances" and "unicycling" respectively. They're relatively fast downloads.

Some of the falls in the trials videos make me hurt just watching them.

Posted by Seager @ 04:49 PM CST Link | Click here to give a shit