Thursday, May 11, 2006
We have a website up for the Zombie Free wedding I'm
sure you've all heard so much about, filled with information, and with
info being added every day.
If you haven't gotten you invite yet, don't worry - you
aren't alone. You'll get it eventually (we are bad at this whole thing)
but we really hope you'll come anyway.
(they code for the website may or may not be a direct rip off of the code from UFP, just with the style sheet changed)
Posted by Seager @ 07:54 AM CST Link | Click here to give a shit
Monday, May 8, 2006
imaged clipped 'cause it was huge
Take some time and check out a root directory of offensive jesus pictures. (assuming you're into that kind of thing)
Posted by Seager @ 09:43 AM CST Link | Click here to give a shit
Tuesday, May 2, 2006
So... a worked with a guy today who Robin and I haven't
worked with in awhile but who's been around on and off from the start.
He made the comment: "Man, two years working in a burrito shop sure
have made you two bitter!"
Maybe he's right... I do openly admit to hating every
single one of our customers (I suppose there are some OK regulars and
former employees who are ok). I also realized several months ago that I
hate making burritos, and thus probably have the wrong job. But... I
really do like beating up on our customers. If they walk in drunk I
point at them and declare "YOUR DRUNK!" They hesistate after that for
some reason. I also like to convince them that I am drunk and drive
deliveries drunk. Robin and I sometimes take turns pretending we are
new and yelling at each other in front of customers. Sometimes we fire
each other. It's good fun. If I really don't like them I'm just
Here are some recent conversations:
Customer: (at the counter after his burrito is made) Don't I get a discount for no meat?
Customer: But I used to. Didn't that used to be the case?
Customer: (similar bullshit)
Me: You get free Quacamole, is that what you are thinking off?
Customer: I guess so. I wish there was a discount.
Me: Well, maybe you should just learn to eat meat...
Me to chick: What would you like?
Chick: I'm waiting to see what her quesadilla looks like (gestures at a quesadilla half made)
Oh, I can help you with that. (I grab a tortilla, fold it into quarters
and hold it up) It looks like this this but with food and shit all
(personally I don't see anything wrong
with that, but it made several fellow employee jaws drop and there was
giggling afterwords... maybe it was how I said it...)
Drunk, annoying chick: What's the difference between a taco and burrito?
Me: (helping someone else) uhm, what?
Drunk, annoying chick: (repeats herself)
Me: You're getting food? The line is way over there. (gestures to the line, cause I'm helping someone else)
Drunk, annoying chick: but I just want to know what the difference is between a taco and a burrito!
Me: Fine! You know what a taco is, right?
Drunk, annoying chick: Yes.
Me: and you know what a burrito is, right?
Drunk, annoying chick: Yes.
Me: WELL THERE YOU FUCKING HAVE IT! ONES A TACO AND ONES A BURRITO!
Drunk, annoying chick: (pouts and walks over to bug a different employee)
Last friday night a middle aged drunk hispanic man
tried to skip the line and I refused to help him and made him get in
line. When someone else finally helped him he asked "why did you help
everyone else before me." and gestured at me. He didn't outright call
me a racist, but according to the person that helped him it was pretty
obvious what he thought.
Christ... I refuse to pretend to hate my minority
customers any less than I hate my "regular" customers just because they
might think I'm racist. Fuck them. If you are drunk and stupid I'm
going to be an asshole to you until you get out of my hair no matter
what race you are. Being nice to a belligerent drunk customer gets you
nowhere. I've tried it. You have to act like their fucking parents,
order them around, and punish them when they misbehave just like you
would a 3 year old child. Nothing else works, and being a minority
doesn't get them a free pass even if they choose to play the race card.
I really start to wonder some nights if prohibition
wasn't such a good idea after all. Those drunks steal anything that
isn't nailed down. They stole our outside ashtray, the pictures in the
bathroom, bike lights off the back desk, a chain holding up a table...
A CHAIN! They stole our bottle opener every weekend until we stopped
getting new ones. We thought of chaining it down but, hey, THEY STEAL
CHAINS, REMEMBER? They egg and steal shit out of our cars. They steal
our bikes and they even steal out of our tip jar. Fuck. Them.
Posted by Seager @ 06:42 AM CST Link | 1 Person gives a shit!
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
Hey Ozzie, is this you? That'd be cool...
How does one get in contact with you nowadays, anyway?
Posted by Seager @ 05:49 AM CST Link | 2 People give a shit!
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
this image will fuck the hell out of my site layout, but I don't care.
Picture linked 'cause it was annoying me
Posted by Seager @ 06:14 AM CST Link | 5 People give a shit!
Thursday, March 30, 2006
God damnit, they're so fucking annoying at work. I
don't care if you get free quacamole or extra veggies or even if you
get Soyrizzo AS LONG AS YOU TELL ME WHEN YOU WALK IN THE STORE but
fucking A, why do half the vegetarians around here wait until half way
through me making their burrito (normaly a 30-90 second project) to
tell me they want soyrizzo (which takes 2-5 minutes to make)? It's not
like I don't have a million other fucking things to do there besides
serve their sorry asses.
I was told the other day that one can't be truly
non-violent unless they are Vegan. Right... Not that I consider myself
non-violent, but that's not the point. I can't remember the last time I
was violent (at anything living) but that doesn't mean it doesn't have
it's uses - even if it's only real good use to to defend from other
violence. But, NONE OF THESE THINGS ARE THE POINT! Where do you draw
the line with this whole non-violent thing? Killing an animal to eat it
is just farther to one side of the scale as, say, mowing your lawn.
You're still "violently" killing a living thing. Whatever...
I want to start calling vegatarians "vagitarians" but
I'm afraid I'll offend women. ... Hmmm.. However, I'm not offended when
someone calls someone else a "dick" because they are jerks, why should
women be offended if I call someone a "vagina" if they are wusses (it's
really not any different from calling them a "pussy"). That means the
stereotype would be that men are jerks and women are wusses? Whatever,
as long as we are equal here, I think Title 9 will be happy.
Vagitarians it is. Maybe "Sandy Vagitarians"... yes, that's nice an
It's a shame not everyone agrees with me that, in
actuality, nothing is offensive and EVERYTHING is funny. Oh well.
Myself and the 5 other people that agree with me are doomed to hell
Posted by Seager @ 04:48 AM CST Link | 5 People give a shit!
Monday, March 27, 2006
Don't worry. No slightly (highly?) offensive philosophical preaching today.
For those of you that don't check theUnexpected Failure Productions website daily I have a few announcements.
The ISUJC got second in Varieties this year (first last
year) and I finally have the videos of both the performances up at UFP
as well as a video of Shy of a Dozen who beat us this year.
I also have two new trials videos up - Campus 2006 and Trials 2006.
The videos and descriptions are listed on UFP under "performances" and "unicycling" respectively. They're relatively fast downloads.
Some of the falls in the trials videos make me hurt just watching them.
Posted by Seager @ 04:49 PM CST Link | Click here to give a shit