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May 2002

Thursday, May 30, 2002

Being healthy makes you have really smelly farts. Since I've started RAGBRAI training again I've been running and biking and eating healthy. Eating healthy = fruits and applesauce (along with meat and carbs and shit like that) Apparently fruits and applesauce make you fart nasty like a madman. My butt smelled better back when I was eating like a homeless masochist. Hopefully it'll clear up though. If I remember correctly from my past bouts of healthy eating eventually I'll start farting even more but they'll have no smell. I guess I just need to re-condition my bacteria.
(clicking the previous link will allow you to read how the conclusion "don't situate an unprotected face within five centimetres of an unsheathed flatulent anus." was painstakingly arrived at.)

Tonight I became more afraid of Christians than ever before. That's right, I watched parts of Godspell. And it was fucking scary. Now, I would bash the musical/movie but yea... I guess it was kind of well acted and funny... but Jesus, it sucked. (pun only slightly intended) That's not what really made me scared of Christians tonight though, that was the fault of this website bashing the shit out of Godspell for being "blasphemous" and not truly Christian. Trust me, you want to click that link, it will amuse you.

(I just let another one of those really nasty farts)

Uhm... today I finished the stereo in my truck. Real low budget, 6x9's and 6x4's replacing 10x4s and old 6x4s. It sounds real nice. Also today my CD's were stolen out of my truck (I think). That kind of put a damper on the day. The CD's I had in their were kinda rare and a few of them borrowed, and some were current favorites. I'm not really sure what to think about this, other than WHAT FUCKING ASSHOLE DOES SHIT LIKE THAT? I mean, yea, I klepto a fair amount myself, but never from individuals or cars or any shit like that. If you want to steal shit, steal shit from wal-mart of mcdonalds or some other evil corporation, not other people. I fucking hate people who do shit like that.

There is a *slight* chance I just misplaced the CD case, but that's looking grimmer and grimmer the more I look. Oh well, I'll keep ya posted.

And finally, since no one really seems to feel like commenting anymore (ya lazy bastards), I'll just repost a comment of yore, to get your creative juices flowing.


I love Seager's cock,
it fits like a glove in my
replacement pussy.
--- Katy (circa about a month ago)

The End (add 3 more stank farts to the tally)

Posted by Seager @ 11:20 PM CST Link |

Tuesday, May 28, 2002

My John Wayne impression sounds like Forest Gump.

That is all.

Posted by Seager @ 11:02 PM CST Link |

I just noticed that I'm growing nose hair... what does that mean? I mean, shit, do I really need nose hair? What little fucking gnome piece of crap thought it was a good idea to crawl up inside my schnozzle and plant little nose hair seeds? I mean, shit, what the fuck was the little bastard doing there in the first place? I sure as fuck didn't invite him in! What was going through his head? "Hey, that guy looks mildly attractive, I think I'll go play in his nose. Hey, check it out, I got these nose hair seeds, might as well plant 'em. That way he'll have a bush growing out of his nose and he'll never get layed! That way I can get my 'evil little gnome' merit badge!"

Ok... well, actually it's not that bad. It's actually kind of neat having nose hairs sticking out. I think I'll name them. I'm not sure what yet, but eventually they'll have names. Hopefully they'll go away by themselves, 'cause I don't want to be one of those guys who has a nose hair trimmer... that wouldn't be so cool... I could grow my scary facial hair back to cover it up, but I don't really care all much, and apparently every female hated my scary facial hair anyway, so it'd be pretty dumb to grow it back to cover up my scary nose hair. At least as far as females are concerned.

Speaking of psycho females (yes, that is redundant) apparently one of the ones across that hall thinks I'm hot. Riiiiiight... I wonder what'd she think if she actually knew me at all. Heh... I guess that's cool though... I'm not interested but it's confidence boost if nothing else. The female I was (am?) in love with apparently didn't think I was, so I'm glad at least someone does. (ok, yea, she never said I wasn't hot, but she sure as hell wasn't interested for some reason, so either she thought I was fugly or it was one of my personality "flaws". Either way she wasn't a real confidence booster.)

Uhm... so I guess I'm in a cynical mood now. I'm really not this bitter about the whole thing, and I still consider her a really good friend, and miss her a whole ton. However, self-righteous bitching feels good, even if I don't 100% mean all of it.

In other news, last night I had a big ass fire with Westy and the crew. 2 couches, a bed, and a shit ton of wood and cardboard died. It ruled, it was huge, and sorry, I didn't have my camera. Oh well, I need to go to bed. I have to be at work in 8 hours.

Subconciously I think I may be a masochist. My attempts and desire to forge a romantic relationship with her caused me nothing but pain, but for some reason it's still in the back of my mind. I was honestly content and happy when I was naked on the train tracks two nights ago and while burning last night. The moral of this story? Nudity and Fire will never break your heart, so go get naked and start fires.

Posted by Seager @ 12:25 AM CST Link |

Sunday, May 26, 2002

Tonight ruled. I ended up hanging out at this former road bridge turned foot bridge over some train tracks out in the middle of nowhere. That last time I went there I got a concusion because I ran about half speed into a head level blank and did a back flip. This time I avoided doing that, which made me happy. I was out there with two of my CF buddies (Eric and Chad) and some random hot chick who's name I forgot. I think it might be laura... I'll call her Boopsie just to be safe. So we're chilling at this bridge and I go down onto the tracks and threw rocks around, and it's all fun. The moon was crazy bright out too, with a warm 2am night breeze. It kicked a whole lot of ass, so I got naked. No one else apparently felt the need, which was fine. I was just happy to be naked myself. So we "hung out" for probably few hours like that. No trains came though, I was mad. However, despite the lack of trains it was a great night. It'd been awhile since I'd been able to run around naked in the night air, and it felt damn good.

Posted by Seager @ 04:51 AM CST Link |

Saturday, May 25, 2002

I don't know if anyone has realized this is back up yet, or if I had that many readers to begin with. I guess that takes the weight off my shoulders about wether or not I'm making this piece of crap entertaining. I believe it reads like I'm scizophrenic or bipolar. The entries alternate between me being a whiny bitch and something cracked out that I find fun and assume you dolts will as well. Although, since everything is funny to me, I sometimes have problems deciding what should be funny to other people. Maybe I am insane.

I'm inexplicably unhappy right now. I bet that's a big suprise for all of you. I used to be happy, y'know, back in the day. Last fall starting school again I was content, happy, stable, not lonely, stoich... I was set. It's amazing how far I've fallen from a year ago. Granted, I'm better than I was a few months ago, but that doesn't take much. Summer has always fixed me in the past, and to a certain extent is has been. Although I'm not 100% down with this living in Ames and working shit. I like living with Mark and Ryan, that rules, and I like ames, but I HATE going to bed at 11:30 every night. There is fucking NOTHING to do during the day. All fun shit happens at night, all hoolaginism happens at night. Every boredom killing pastime that I have that I do during the summer can ONLY happen at night. It sucks. I'm sick of driving back and forth between Ames and CF as well. It's fucking annoying. I really miss people in CF though. I've seen Ozzie for about 4 hours since she's been back, and that sucks ass. I'm going to hang out with Westy a lot this weekend, and that's cool and is as it should be, but I also wanted to see Ozzie. However, Ozzie is not going to be here, so... yea. So much for that.

I think I have the opposite problem of some people I know. I know people / have friends that feel like they don't fit in anywhere. They move back and forth between towns (I know a few that do this) and just can't get comfortable or settled in. My problem is I have a place and a niche in two places, and it fucking sucks to have to choose one. I guess I belong in Ames now. It's the natural progression. Such is life.

There are three people that I can talk to: one is in Texas or something like that, one is in Kenya probably not thinking about me, and one isn't here. Bleh.

Posted by Seager @ 04:13 AM CST Link |

Thursday, May 23, 2002

Well now, I haven't written anything in awhile 'cause the site was down for awhile. Why? Because for a week the server was sitting on my floor not plugged into anything. Then it got transferred to my new place where it took a damn long time for register.com to get around to changing chegg.com to our new ips. Either way, Tito (our server) is now humming away happily one our floor (it's always been in Josh's room in the past, but he went home for the summer.) So... I guess I have responisiblity now, or something? Weird...

So, I have lots I could tell all of you, if I felt so inclined, but I don't at the moment. Bounty Killer rocks my balls, he's reggie rapish stuff, and the song currently playing he's with Busta Rhymes, and it's uh.. fly, yo! So... I moved to Frederickson Court (formerally and still refered to as Hawthorn Court). I live in a four bedroom suite with Mark (of Chegg) and Ryan (of the stairwell) and Squeak Bitch (who doesn't really exist). We turned Squeak Bitch's room into storage 'cause he never showed up. We broke into it with 3 crowbars. It was fun. I named him Squeak Bitch the first day as we were moving in (about a week ago) 'cause I figured he was going to be a gomer. He never showed up though, so I guess I was right. Woo daddy!

I started work, it rules. The hours aren't so good, being early morning and there not being very many of them. However, my coworkers are fun as hell and really nice, and the work itself it neat. What I do is rather tedious, but the people around me are working on very interesting projects, and I will be helping them at some point, I figure. The high point of my job is the discussions I can have with the scientists there about their projects and what they are working on. I'm learning a fair amount, and can even offer insight into their projects because of my experiences. Only one of them is truly a Microbiogist, the rest have degrees in related fields such as biology and protein chemististry. Since we are doing microbiology and I am a microbiologist myself (no degree yet though, doh) I think I'll come in fairly useful. Currently I do lab monkey work, and that's fine with me for now. I'll work my way up to real work (most likely in addition to my lab monkey work) and get some more hours and do some fun shit.

I cooked dinner tonight. Chicks, you should do me. I can cook. I made spaghetti. I've never made spaghetti before. I didn't fuck it up (much), it ruled. I fried up a bunch of meat first, used seasonings, put it into the sauce, boiled some crap, realized that boiling sauce is a bad idea, boiled some spaghetti, ate it, other people ate it, liked it, and yea... so.. chicks, do me. yes yes.

I'll write more stuff later, I'm tired of writing now. Tell me in my comments if you want to do me and how much you missed me... yes yes... do The Seager... do him... NOW!

Posted by Seager @ 07:25 PM CST Link |

Thursday, May 9, 2002

After much deliberation, argumentation, debation, and masturbation, the true nature of heaven zombies was settled upon by myself and Josh. It goes something like this: (using dead babies and myself as examples, of course)

Ok, lets say I die and go to heaven... (it could happen... don't laugh.) The way I figure it, there probably are a whole lot of dead babies in heaven that would be rather pissed at me for making fun of them my whole life. They, most likely, would try to kick the shit out of me. Normally I'd be worried about this... y'know, 10 bazillion saved dead babies trying to kill me. However, in heaven I get whatever I want, right? So I'll have a couple of chain fed depleted uranium stock rail gun uzis at my disposal, I figure. Right... So that's going to be a whole lot of dead saved dead baby mush. (babysauce?) However, herein lies the problem. How can you die if you are already dead? Especially if you are in heaven? Well... we figure you don't. You turn into a zombie. An Undead saved dead baby heaven zombie. So now what? As many of you know, I FUCKING HATE ZOMBIES!! I really do... they fucking annoy the shit out of me. Well, the undead as a whole tend to piss me off, but especially zombies, 'cause they are sooo annoying. Luckily, in heaven I would also have a shotgun that I could reload with my mind, Army of Darkness style. So yea... those undead saved dead baby heaven zombies wouldn't have much of a chance. As it is saved dead babies probably aren't that quick, I figure (little legs), so zombie saved dead babies would probably be even slower. Now this led us to another interesting question... what happens when you kill an undead saved dead baby heaven zombie? Which led us then to ask, what happens when you kill a normal zombie? Do they have a soul in the first place? Fuck if I know, we never answered that. What we DID figure out, however, is that every time you kill an undead saved dead baby heaven zombie God kills a kitten, and Buddah eats the baby. That's why he's so fat.

The End.

Posted by Seager @ 08:50 AM CST Link |

Wednesday, May 8, 2002

I have my last final in 7.5 hours (at 7.30 am) wooh.

While studying, I realized something. Many happy hardcore anthems aren't really all that happy. (For those of you that don't know what happy hardcore is, it's a genre of techno/rave that's all fast and filled with anthems and shit. DJ Spree is one of my favorite happycore DJ's out of Minneapolis. I encourage you to check it out.) Anyway, two of my favorite anthems, upon close scrutiny, are actually fairly depressing. Such as this one:

I was sent to outerspace,
to find another happy place.
Now I'm left here all alone,
A million miles away from home.

Floating through the galaxy,
a million stars in front of me.
Now I'm left here all alone,
A million miles away from home.

It's freakin weird to hear lyrics like that beautifully sung against a happy music background. Another example = my favorite anthem, due to how it sounds. However the lyrics are damn depressing, or at least to me.


Loving you has made me strong
but now I'm ready to go on.
Now my mind's wide open baby.
I won't let this feeling go.

Now, I can see how maybe some of you can see these as encouraging women empowering lyrics or some crap like that. However, I hear them as some chick's lame excuse for dumping some some poor guy. "Yea, I don't love you anymore, I just used you. Now I'm going to dump you." That aside, it's still my favorite anthem because I love the sound of it. Hence the weirdness.

Uhm... Oh yea, I fixed my amp and shit, and don't have any brain damage that I can tell. Woo! So shit's working out. I can't wait until I'm done with my final tomorrow, then life will rule.

And a slightly different note, She didn't say goodbye to me before she left and I won't see her until mid july or some crap like that. That kind of sucks. *sigh* I miss what almost was and the way things almost were. However, I don't miss what actually was, or the way things actually were. For awhile I could pretend, though. I suppose that is what I miss most.

Posted by Seager @ 12:21 AM CST Link |

Monday, May 6, 2002

Now, let me tell you how to start a day off shitty. This story starts a little bit after my last post (read below, real short one about how my test went well.)

When it left off I was about to go back to bed. This involves going back into my loft. As I am climbing into my loft, my ladder slips and goes crashing down onto my amp and cd players, with most of my weight on it. I managed to survive by hanging onto the loft. As I'm hanging there in the dark wondering what the fuck just happened, I noticed my amp is flashing this wierd symbol/word thingy and then proceeds to power itself off. This is not good. Upon getting my footing and turning on the light, I notice that my lava lamp that was on the CD player was shattered. That sucks. What sucks more is that the liquid is pouring, FUCKING POURING into the vents on my amp. My fucking 300 dollar amp. So I'm frantically unplugging everything, trying to not get gutted by broken glass everywhere, and somehow stop this stream of shit from fucking my amp up even more, and I realize that my eyes, throat, and hands are burning, and that I'm getting a really bad headache. So fucking great, apparently lava lamp fluid is toxic as well.

So here I sit, my amp on a towel fucking drip drying, half my crap covered in this gooey toxic shit, and trying to air out my room and most likely getting tons of fucking brain damage in the process.

All I fucking wanted to do was go back to bed. Instead I smash the shit out of my CD player and amp, flood the amp with this goo, and poison myself in the process. There aren't enough swear words in the english language for me adequately express how fucking frusterated I am right now.

Posted by Seager @ 09:31 AM CST Link |

Y'know what's a great way to start off a day? Have a 7:30am final in Micro 475/575. Now, I know what you're saying, "That sounds like it would suck." Well, that's what I thought too, but check this out. I'm sitting there expecting another essay final type thing like is common in micro and in all the tests in this class, when suddenly, she starts handing out bubble sheets. I go, "Oh, it's multiple choice?!?!" and the person next to me goes "Yea, that's why I didn't study." Now, I studied for this test all weekend, 'cause I was expecting essays and short answers and shit. So I proceed to take this test and kick the mother fucking shit out of it. MWAHA!! TAKE THAT, BITCHES!!

One final down, one to go.

I'm going to go to back to bed now and dream about naked chicks.

Posted by Seager @ 08:23 AM CST Link |

Saturday, May 4, 2002

I would like to write you an entertaining entry filled with links and crazy shit, but I don't have the motivation for that right now. I don't really have the motivation to do much of anything, actually. If it wasn't for the BT I'm playing right now, I'd probably be sitting here staring at a wall. If I believed in God I would thank him for inventing music. I think music is one of my main motivators in life, and especially in writing and creating. I can't do graphics or write without it. I get bored. I need the music there, and different music for different things. I'm funniest when listening to Cake, most creative graphically when listening to techno (preferably trance or happycore). The current Chegg layout was created listening to Poe last summer. (God, I love Poe) With some PUSA in there as well (whatever album Volcano is on). Music also was integral in my surviving this semester. There was a time a little before spring break when I was the lowest I've ever been, and for the first time since 7th grade I was having thoughts of suicide. Now, I don't think I was actually suicidal, because those thoughts scared the shit out of me. However, I sure as hell was thinking about it a lot. I no longer had control over my emotions. I listened to a lot of music during that time, including much (hed)pe (to try and channel depression into anger) and You're Pretty. You're Pretty is such amazing music, it really helped me get through that time. I also started listening to Garbage and Poe again. Point being, if I didn't have that music to get me through it I don't know if I would have. Which makes my over all point, I guess, that individual people aside, music is the most important thing in my life. Yay.

I think I may be getting back to normal. I'm not sure what that means really... but I think normal is good. I don't think I love her anymore. Not in the relationship way. I love her as a friend still, but I think I've finally been able to get rid of my "more than friends" feelings for her. I'm realizing I overlooked and neglected a lot of things this semester because of that fiasco. My grades this semester are going to be horrible, but that doesn't bother me too much because I'm just happy I survived it. During that time when I was thinking about suicide, it was because I realized that I no longer enjoyed being alive. I'd never felt that before. I'd always wanted to live just for the sake of living, just because it was fun. I didn't want to lose that. At that time, I didn't feel that way. I got little joy out of anything. All that I felt was rejection, loneliness, loss of confidence, hopelessness, and all that other emo bullshit that I'm sure many of you have gone through as well. At the time I knew I was being a whiny little bitch, which just pissed me off more. I was sick of it. I needed time away from her, I knew she was bad for me, but I couldn't do it. I still care for her, a lot, but I can control it now. I will only care for her as much as she cares for me. I won't let myself care anymore than that, because it will drive me insane again.

Now, this doesn't mean I'm necessarily happy, but I definitely think I enjoy being alive again. Today, for instance, was great. Hanging out with Mark an Josh all day, doing the shit that we used to do. At dinner the 3 of us made stupid jokes that only we found funny, and everyone else thought we were being idiots. It was great. Tonight I saw Spider Man (the best comic book movie ever) and had a great time being an idiot yelling things out of Zach's window. However, when I got home I suddenly reverted back to some weird feeling of apathetic crappiness that didn't go away until I started playing BT and writing this. However, this is still back within my old normal range. Prior to this semester I always fluctuated between happy and lonely/sad, but within a set range. I'm back to fluctuating within that range. I know when I find someone and I can finally experience what's it's like to actually be loved back I will be happier than I've ever been. However, I don't think that is going to happen anytime soon. But, I can look forward to being happy this summer like I am every summer. Not ecstatic, but content and happy. Summer = little stress and lots of sleep for me, which leads to creativity, writing, and sanity. Next Wednesday I will have my last final. Next Wednesday I can finally say FUCK OFF to this semester.

Uhm... I didn't get the NADC job, btw. The guy called and said that I was definitely qualified in the microbiology area, but he wanted someone with more experience in pigs. Now, that really doesn't bother me, because if pig experience is that wanted, then I probably didn't want that job anyway. Fuck Pigs. The research they were doing was really interesting, dealing with salmonella infections in livestock and shit like that. I would have been doing culture maintenance (of bacteria) filing, some other crap, and helping them kill lotsa pigs. I would also have been working with this crap called secum which supposedly smells even worse than pig shit. So yea... no skin off my back that I didn't get that job. I have my nice comfy AATI job that'll make my resume look nice and happy, so BLEH! Now I just need a nice comfy gas station slacker job to supplement the income and I'll finally be able to afford getting layed. Wooh!

This is out of place but I just thought of it: The problem with getting back to normal is you have to go back to where you started. It's like a path. You meet chick, things start happening, either it works out or it doesn't, but either way you've made progress at something and you are no longer "blah." It sucks when that path leads you shit, and you have to cut your losses to survive. I don't want to return back to normal blah. I don't want to give up. It's better than the alternative, but it still sucks. Forcing yourself to give up hope is almost as painful as having the hope itself. Fuck that shit. I'm sick of it. This summer better kick some major ass.

Posted by Seager @ 01:44 AM CST Link |

Wednesday, May 1, 2002


How lame is that?

Posted by Seager @ 03:12 PM CST Link |

I bought that at Hot Topic back in the day and decided to scan it . It's rare I find something there that is genuinely funny, so when I did I bought it. I have a rant about Hot Topic and the problems I have with it's trendy ass that I would like to deliver to you at some point, but not right now. Yoink.

I've been hella busy since my last entry, and I don't really want to go into detail about everything right now... or anything, really... I don't think I really like to tell stories very much, or... more so I don't like to type them out... but I'll give you a quick run down on some stuff anyway.

This weekend I went home to help Westy move, that was hard yet fun. Westy is, as far as I'm concerned, my brother (along with a few other people) so it was good to see him again. (If you think that sounds corny you can suck my sappy balls, you unfeeling bastard.) So that was fun, uhm... oh yea, and I ended up buying Ryan's truck. An '89 chevy S-10 for $800 with money borrowed from my Dad. I went home with no intention of buying car or a truck... it just kind of happened. I've been looking for a car for a vehicle for awhile now, and especially a truck, so this was nice. Trucks = very useful to a person that has an obsession with starting couches and pallets on fire. So yes, I have a truck. Now I need bumper stickers and some flourscent spray paint and it will finally be mine. I haven't owned a car since I was a sophomore in highschool... My last car looked like this and this. I miss that car sooo much. But, it died six months after I bought it (for $600) 'cause I slid into a curb sideways and knocked the wheels off, shattered the suspension, and broke the steering column. Oops.

I need to figure out a good way to make Chegg bumper stickers...

Oh, and I got the job at AATI so that rules. Especially since it was out of a couple weeks worth of interviewees. I rule, apparently. only 20 hours a week though, so I'm going to have to get another job. My interview with the NADC went really well on Monday, so I might try and work both of those jobs. That would be fucking great. I only have 2 other people as competition there, and I think from the interview that I may have gotten that job too. I'll have to see in a few days. I'll explain what both jobs entail later because it's pretty interesting. You're going to have a to wait a few days though, 'cause I don't feel like explaining it now. Boiiiiiiiiiing!

So... OFFENSIVENESS... hmm... well... yes. I think I am going to call my last post my most offensive post / new item / writing on anything Chegg related ever. (yet?) Rule. The majority of people who read it said something along the lines of "I know that's wrong but it's fucking hilarious" so... yea... blthphphp! I would hope that anyone who knows me well would know that I laugh and makes jokes at everything, but that doesn't make me not care about those things or think they are good. It also doesn't make me dislike or hate whoever I made the jokes about/against. I just happen to find those topics hilarious if presented in the correct light. I know many people don't agree that is hilarious, and I'm sorry if it angers you. That's not my intent, but I'm also not going to censor myself from saying things I think are funny just in case it might piss someone off or offend them. Especially not here. Ozzie, you know I love you but this is part of who I am. If I started being all politically correct and worried about offending people I would cease to exist. Sometimes it's all I have left. I'm sorry I crossed your line, but I didn't get anywhere near mine (I'm not sure I have a line, actually) or many other peoples. *shrug* I'm not sure what to say.

With that said, I'm going to end this post with World Trade Center jokes some of which I was saying as early as the day after the attack. (I didn't make these up, although I cracked a whole bunch of original jokes the day of the attack, but, alas, I do not remember any of them. I did run at a lot of people pretending to be an airplane though.) I'm posting these jokes here with the intent of offended those of you that are easily offended, so don't read them if you if you don't want to be offended as well!


Next time you see someone on the street say: "What's up? Not the World Trade Center!"

- Who are the fastest readers in the world?
World Trade Center workers, because they can go through 40 stories in 8 seconds.

- How many New Yorkers does it take to change a light bulb?
God knows, they keep jumping out the window when it gets too hot

- What music do they play in the elevator in the WTC?
It's Raining Men

- One good thing about the WTC attacks?
Several new job openings now at NYPD and NYFD

And that's all I could find. Granted I think some of them aren't that funny, but not because I find them offensive. Just because they aren't good jokes. I mean, they don't really hold a candle to dead baby jokes which are offensive AND hilarious. Oh yea... I just remembered one more joke that Josh told me that I should end with, as long as I'm offending everyone and not really caring.


Q: What's red, orange, white, and looks good on Christians?
A: Fire!

*zing!* :)

Posted by Seager @ 01:31 AM CST Link |

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