Friday, October 28, 2005

I'm going to tell you a little story.

Backstory: I'm a college graduate the works overnight in a "good food, quickly" burrito joint. The job doesn't suck for various reasons - one of which is this story (entertainment) and another is that we were listening to Mindless Self Indulgence while this story played out and any job that lets you listen to whatever music you want is pretty cool.

What is wrong with America
An Essay by C "you can take this degree and shove it" Gir

We get many drunk drivers while working late night, especially on weeknights when people drive more to the bars instead of going in large packs of slobbering drunken blobdom. These drunk people lay all over our sneaze guards and are generally annoying, unless they are hot. The hot ones are usually EXTRA annoying because they've gotten through life easy so far 'cause they've got nice cans and this means they have no personal skills and they think they can get away with being annoying bitches. Most of them have caked on makeup and their boobs sometimes fall out. They often ask special favors of us because they think they can 'cause they're hot. Those are the worst bitches of them all... But that's another story for another time...

Tonight (thurs) is usually pretty decent for bar crowds. It's kind of the buffer between weekend and weeknight when all the business and education majors (ok, not ALL of them, just all the ones that don't read this site) decide it's time to begin their 3 day weekly bender once again. Around 2am or so during a small bar rush enters one of our regular customers. He is the General Manager of a pizza place that will remain unamed so I don't show up on google searches. It may, however, start with something that rhymes with "dumb" that you chew on, and end in the word Bee. It's also plural. And a kids show. And has crappy pizza. It's got good sticks though. Get it yet? No? Too bad and fuck off then.

(I'm kind of bitter when I write this stuff. Don't take it personally... where I work is one big abuse-fest where all we do is swear and lay into each other and the customers so I tend to be in this mood after work. Any job where I can't tell a coworker to lick my ass chunks on a regular basis can screw off.)

Anyway, so one of our regulars comes in, drunk as usual. We serve him, he does some random drunken rambling, and then he leaves. A few minutes letter Kevin Costner (You know, the prince of thieves) tells me that he's being busted in the parking lot. We assume for drunk driving. Our bar rush ends, of course, because someone's being busted in our parking lot. Thanks a lot DPS. Dear reader, I know what you are thinking: "at least they are getting drunk drivers off the road!" Yea.. well, first, they don't need to do it in our parking lot, and second, they didn't. Read on...

Nick "I don't have a nickname for you" ohlas then tells me that the front of his car is all banged up. It turns out he was in a hit and run up the street. Some people that know him come in, etc, we all talk, and this is the rundown of what he did:

Drunk driving, hit and run, running a red light, illegal parking, and (although the cop didn't know) he was holding a bag.

We all figured he's fucked. They're gonna arrest him and find the bag and then he's screwed. None of that happened. DPS waited for APD then left (DPS had little or no power out there). 45 minutes after the whole thing started this guy was back in the store grinning like he just got out of jail free... 'cause, well, he did. They didn't do shit other than give him a ticket. Here's why:

The stopped him before he got back into this car to ask him about the damage his car. That frees him from the DUI charge because they never saw him try to drive. The other guy in the hit and run didn't stop either. (amusingly, our regular then informed us it was extra funny because he hit the other car on purpose.) They didn't find the bag 'cause they never arrested him. He then got a ticket for what we figure was the red light and illegal parking. (I'm not sure how they got him for the red light and not the DUI, but whatever)

I want to say this one more time... This guy decided to get a burrito. He got into his car, drunk, and on his way here hit another car on purpose. He then ran a red light, parked illegally in our parking lot, and got a burrito. He then walked back out the store and was stopped by a cop before he got back into this car. He was not arrested. Jesus fuck, screw that CSI and Law and Order bullshit that tries to convince me every day that they're going to catch the bad guy no matter what 'cause they've got fucking ninja science magic. I'm going to start fucking murdering people if it's this easy to get away with stuff.

Anyway, in conclusion, this is what is wrong with America. I like this guy, he's nice, but he should have gone to jail. I have zero tollerance for drunk driving. He SHOULD NOT have been busted for weed, so that was nice, but really... If he can do all that and just get a fine... what the hell. I'm not upset that he beat the system, (I do like the guy) but I am upset that the system can be beat so easily.

I see sooooo many drunk drivers every night. The cops should stop their god damn drug war and focus on drunk driving. That would be nice.

The End.

Posted by Seager @ 06:26 AM CST Link |

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Anus Water
noun: Tea, but filtered through your butthole.

I like to yell about things at work, and one of those things is people who call our beef "steak." Especially when I ask them "Beef, Pork, or Chicken?" and they answer "steak." Alright, asshole, just because you call it steak doesn't make it so. It's fucking fatty-ass beef. Yummy, but beef just the same.

One day this will happen:

dumbass guy walks in with his girlfriend
Dumbass: I'll have a steak burrito
(I need to know tortilla, rice, and beans before I know steak so this guy can fuck right the hell off already, but we can let that slide)
Me: What's your girlfriend's name?
Dumbass: Sara
Me: Oh, you mean it's not Carmen Electra or Hottits McGee?
Dumbass: No, it's Sara.
Me: FINE! YOU DON'T CALL MY BEEF "STEAK" AND I WON'T CALL YOUR SARA "HOTTITS McGEE!" CLEARLY THERE IS A DIFFENCE YOU GOD DAMN VAGINA FACE! CALLING YOUR WENCH "CARMEN ELECTRA" DOES NOT GIVE HER GREAT CANS AND NEITHER DOES CALLING MY BEEF "STEAK" MAKE IT BETTER QUALITY SO SHUT THE GOD DAMN HELL UP AND GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY STORE!

Then, I shoot him. With a gun that shoots knifes covered in "shut the fuck up" juice. (lazers too)

One day...

Posted by Seager @ 05:40 AM CST Link |

Friday, October 21, 2005

I was smart once... even if I didn't take my lab reports seriously...

I came across this last night and it made me chuckle so I figured I'd post it:

(bbmb is biochemistry)

Posted by Seager @ 04:27 PM CST Link |

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Go watch the movie "Waiting." (especially you, Johnny) It's funny as hell, but I relate to one of the charactors WAY to much.

Posted by Seager @ 04:56 PM CST Link |

Thursday, October 13, 2005

You'll never guess what I mailed yesterday.

Posted by Seager @ 06:11 AM CST Link |

Monday, October 10, 2005

Hey... sooo.. uh....

It's been... well... one of those .. uh... 2-3months.

Oh well. Here is a video of Mark, Kai, and I riding our new trials course, NOW WITH CAR!

50meg/DIVX

Posted by Seager @ 08:34 PM CST Link |