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10/06/2002 Entry: "arg" Today and yesterday Cooky-feltzy and I did a lot more of the mix down on the album we are working on. It was great, one of my favorite things to do. It's a little odd though, because since we went through a lot of the same type of shit recently, many of the songs he writes touch me on a very personal level. They make me think about things I don't want to think about. When we were recording last weekend I realized this... but I suppose she had been getting more and more in my head anyway, because I knew she should be coming back in town soon. She was supposed to get in tonight from Chicago, but according to someone who supposidly spoke to her more recently than I, she won't be in for another couple of days. I don't really know exactly how that should make me feel... I was looking forward to seeing her again, but also dreading it, because I'm not 100% sure how I'm going to react. I'm disapointed I won't be seeing her tonight, even though I KNOW it would have just made me feel like hell. I keep telling myself I WILL NOT GO INSANE when she gets back. That I DO NOT love her, and that the feelings I have are just based on idiological bullshit. This has become a battle between logic and emotion... luckily, with me, logic has a history of winning. Too bad it often takes awhile. 6 months ago I hadn't met her yet. 5 months ago she made sense emotionally and logically. 2.5 months ago I thinking about killing myself because I couldn't enjoy life without her. 1 month ago I was convincing myself I was over her. In 3 months she'll move to France for a year. What a fucked up pregnancy this is turning out to be. On a side note, the world would be a much better place if more people listened to Rage Against the Machine on a regular basis.
Replies: 4 People give a shit! if she drives you crazy again and makes you miserable, i will kill her. youre too good of a guy to be put through all that shit again, let alone the first time. i dont give a flying fuck about her, i care about you because youre my friend and i hope to god you dont go through the same shit as before, because it kills me to see you hurting like that... you may think im being mean about her, and maybe i am... but i dont care. mostly i like her fine, but the way she was treating you made me want to hate her, even though i try not to even really dislike anyone, let alone hate them... but all i care about is that youre okay, because life wouldnt be the same without a happy seager... just dont forget that you have a lot of people to help you if things go bad again, we love you seager (end of somewhat cheesy post) Posted by Iowa @ 06/21/2002 04:58 PM PST Good luck with the whole girl situation, man! We should hang out sometime, too. I'm moving back to Ames on Aug. 1! Posted by The Posp? @ 06/21/2002 02:13 PM PST much hugs to you brotha *huggggg* girls are just not a good deal in either of our lives. argh. fuck them man. lets be gay together! woohoo!!! hehehe Posted by chaderr @ 06/21/2002 12:03 AM PST Seager, every time i read your stuff about her it makes me want to give you a big hug and cry. i've been on both sides of similar situations, i know about how much it can suck. if you ever want to talk about it i will always be here for you. Posted by brita @ 06/20/2002 11:29 PM PST
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