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12/14/2006 Entry: "no DMACC" I'm going to have more time this next semester than I thought. Many of you know that I was going to take EMT-B classes this spring. I went to my first class and had a chat with my instructer during one of the breaks (it's a 4 hour class) and it came up that I was moving to Portland. She informed me that I was wasting my time because getting certified in Iowa apparently won't do me any good in Oregon. .. - Makes sense I guess. So much for that. I can get a refund for the class but not the books. Oh well, what's $150, really? (300 cajun brats, that's what!) This leaves me to continue my horizontal spiral through the lucrative world of food service. There is only so far Garbage B-Sides can get you before your screwed up urges start seeming less screwed up and more neccisary. I am of course refering to my overwhelming desire to fill the ice machine at work with frozen chicken cubes, and my always present but usually controlled desire to start pretty much everthing I see on fire (yes, even you.) If you bother to check this then you should bother to click the more button and read the rest of the entry. I named my production project Unexpected Failure Productions for a reason. There is a certain feeling that I should hope most of you have had before. The feeling of where you think to yourself "If I don't laugh, I'll cry." Usually, however, this isn't voiced when you are alone, and most commonly you don't realize this feeling until you voice it to another - "Man, this sucks. *chuckle* If you don't laugh you'll cry." My reasons for hoping you have all heard this feeling go beyond my the simple desire that you relate to this story. Simply, it's either "If you don't laugh you'll cry" or "I'm going to shoot myself." That is, unless none of you have ever been frusterated by bad luck and unexpected failure (!) enough to feel either emotion. In that case you've been lucky. Dick. Ironically, we don't be hearing from those that have shot themselves since they don't have computers in heaven. (Angels, like the Amish, don't have computers because Angels, unlike the Amish, don't exist.) Anyway, I tried awhile ago to find a concise way to relate the feeling of "if you don't laugh, you'll cry" so that I could name my Ragbrai Bus that. Some anagram or acronym (IYDLYC) or anagram of an acronym or one word summary or anything. I could never find one. (any ideas?) Instead we settled on naming the bus "Bus King" (busking, get it?!?) IYDLYC is a feeling that I really didn't feel much in college even with hard studies and things of that nature. Generally those setbacks and stress were expected or were soley my fault. Set backs of that nature don't generally result in the IYDLYC feeling. No, IYDLYC is caused by UNEXPECTED FAILURE and the failure of every solution/idea/etc you try. This feeling first became prominent in my life (possibly because that is when it entered my vocabulary) during the RoadShow USA x-country bike ride where I often found myself sitting on the side of the road, in the middle of nowhere, trying to figure out how to fix our latest bike problem. Or when we got a flat trying to outrun a hailstorm, when our tims exploded, when I had to rebuild Mark's tire with duct tape, when I had to rebuild my brakes out of zipstrips and an alan wrench, when I had to reattach my panniers using a piece of wire cut off a chain link fence, when my panniers fell of twice in downtown Syracruse, when it rained for 3 weeks straight, when we woke up to sprinklers soaking our stuff, when our stove broke, when we broke spokes every mountain we climbed, when I had to climb an extra mile for a spoke wrench, when I spent 2 hours rebuilding josh's wheel just to have it expode 5 miles down the road, etc etc etc etc etc etc. You get by in life by laughing at how AMAZINGLY fucked you are, no matter what you do, no matter how well things are going, your next fucking is always just around the corner. IYDLYC is that frusterated feeling when you are SOOO angry and upset but there is no one to blame and when everything you try to rectify the original failure meets it own completely unrelated setback causing a massive wall of improbable bad luck to rain down upon you that can only be combated by crying or laughing until something you try finally does work. I am firmly convinced that TRS is cursed as well. The bus, which currently doesn't run, was one IYDLYC moment after another. Engine problems, paint problems, body problems, the AC getting crushed and putting us 3 days behind randomly, it exploding on the way home, the batteries always dieing, THE FACT THAT IS DOESN'T EVEN FUCKING RUN RIGHT NOW, etc etc etc. *sigh* I may be renaming it from Bus King to "Beautiful Disaster" after the 311 song of the same name. I heard the song again tonight (it's been my favorite song for years) and decided that would be a better name for the bus. The song is also a tearful fairwell to someone(thing) that is destroying you life. Anyway - Car work in our garage has similar outcomes as Kai has had SEVERAL IYDLYC moments lately using our space. My computer also had similar problems for the last year or so. So, long story long, I decided that since Unexpected Failure Productions was formed with the intent of filming Unicycling, Juggling and other TRS type things that the name was appropriate. Finding out that I couldn't take the EMT course after all the work I put into it was an IYDLYC moment. Noteworthy, I suppose, because for possibly the first time the L didn't come, and the C did. Well, the C would have happened if I actually did that, but you get the point. ( I haven't cried since the whole "sticky" situation ended. I've got misty eyed a few times, but tearing up and crying are different. I don't really need to cry as long as Qehn sticks around ) The EMT class was a symbol for my life finally moving forward again instead of slowly sinking as I get more and more tired treading water. With the EMT course I had finally spotted a rescue boat but it turns out that it was filled with pirate eating robot snakes with lazer beams and it never really got close enough to rescue me anyway. Lets finish this up. I wrote in my handy little note book that Qehn gave me after work that day: 1: Stop failing - You can't stop failure but you can start expecting it. Ironically, Expecting Failure might cause you to succeed at #1 which would subsequenty cause you fail #2 which puts you right back where you started from. Bad luck, Karma, bad planning, whatever. No one has bad luck, people just have bad outlooks. Laugh it off fucker. At least you lived through it.
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I think your philosophy is valid, as long as you don't expect only failure. I expect failure when it comes to the church, and I haven't ever been wrong. I think that keeps me from getting my hopes up. But I try not to expect failure everywhere. There is a point at which anger is worse than getting your hopes up and getting them dashed. Well, that's my wisdom, anyway. I love you very much! You'll make a fabulous EMT someday. You're very caring and smart and quick on your feet. I wouldn't doubt if you could charm a heart attack right out of somebody. Posted by Sis @ 01/12/2006 08:43 AM PST
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