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12/14/2002 Entry: "bleh" I don't know if anyone has realized this is back up yet, or if I had that many readers to begin with. I guess that takes the weight off my shoulders about wether or not I'm making this piece of crap entertaining. I believe it reads like I'm scizophrenic or bipolar. The entries alternate between me being a whiny bitch and something cracked out that I find fun and assume you dolts will as well. Although, since everything is funny to me, I sometimes have problems deciding what should be funny to other people. Maybe I am insane. I'm inexplicably unhappy right now. I bet that's a big suprise for all of you. I used to be happy, y'know, back in the day. Last fall starting school again I was content, happy, stable, not lonely, stoich... I was set. It's amazing how far I've fallen from a year ago. Granted, I'm better than I was a few months ago, but that doesn't take much. Summer has always fixed me in the past, and to a certain extent is has been. Although I'm not 100% down with this living in Ames and working shit. I like living with Mark and Ryan, that rules, and I like ames, but I HATE going to bed at 11:30 every night. There is fucking NOTHING to do during the day. All fun shit happens at night, all hoolaginism happens at night. Every boredom killing pastime that I have that I do during the summer can ONLY happen at night. It sucks. I'm sick of driving back and forth between Ames and CF as well. It's fucking annoying. I really miss people in CF though. I've seen Ozzie for about 4 hours since she's been back, and that sucks ass. I'm going to hang out with Westy a lot this weekend, and that's cool and is as it should be, but I also wanted to see Ozzie. However, Ozzie is not going to be here, so... yea. So much for that. I think I have the opposite problem of some people I know. I know people / have friends that feel like they don't fit in anywhere. They move back and forth between towns (I know a few that do this) and just can't get comfortable or settled in. My problem is I have a place and a niche in two places, and it fucking sucks to have to choose one. I guess I belong in Ames now. It's the natural progression. Such is life. There are three people that I can talk to: one is in Texas or something like that, one is in Kenya probably not thinking about me, and one isn't here. Bleh.
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