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Posted by Beep @ 07/20/2002 03:28 AM PST

i'm in a really bad mood right now otherwise i probly would not have the courage to write this, and i know that this is none of my business and that you'll probly end up not speaking to me after i write this, but i dont care because you really pissed me off today and i only worry and say this stuff because i care. Anyway, you told me the other day that you knew what was going on, but you and making the decisions that are best for you usually dont go hand in hand, well, if ya wanna stop feeling like this, QUIT MAKING BAD DECISIONS!!! dont let her sleep in your bed, dont cuddle with her and tickle her on her bed for hours in the afternoon, dont talk to her when you're mad at her (you know she'll just talk you out it, even though you had every right to be mad at her in the first place, you have plenty of other friends to talk to who wont give you such biased advice and stuff), dont let her use you! I dont understand how you can do this to yourself over and over again, i honestly just want to smack some sense into you sometimes. Oh, and when you said that you do notice that i'm around and dont ignore me, you arnt just Nicky minded- how many words did you say to me while you were here this afternoon? -less than 10. Did you even say goodbye when you two left?-no. Did you invite me frisbee golfing or to hickyory park yesterday? -no. Did you even notice that i was mad this afternoon? -i doubt it. I know that the reason that i'm so sensitive/bitchy right now is because of my grandma, but i guess i kinda hooped that you'd be there for me cuz i really dont want to be alone, but as i should have figured, you're preoccupied with Nicky, again. i give up. I know that i'm gonna regret typing this, so i'm sorry for the mean things that i said in advance. I just hope that i have the courage to push the button to post this right now before i change my mind. I'm sorry i'm a bitch, please forgive me for this.

Posted by guess @ 07/18/2002 09:55 PM PST

worra worra worra. I have a point, I'll try and make it clear w/o (too) much room for mis-interpretation *wry grin*. Hopefully you'll get what I mean anyway. Things cycle. W/ depression, when I'm down - like, depression-tinted down - I feel like I could never-ever-ever know anything else, and everything is grey and I just kind of apathetically wallow my way through it. All of sudden, sometimes for seemingly no reason - I feel the light. Of course, the light's been there all the time, though - I haven't. And when I'm up - I feel like I could never know depression-fueled saddness. Of course, neither of those (feeling happy always, or depressed for always) are true. After awhile, unfortunately, ya almost get used to it. At least, recognizing that you will always be moving between both. And, that - the light is always there, even if you can't feel it. So, I try and look at small shit and enjoy it. Because, too frequently, we pin our hopes on - only - the "big things" gradution, marriage - ceremonies or other 'earth-shaking' events. Only problem w/ those, is that they are not always in our control and some - like graduation - come and go so quickly. So, I try to enjoy - really truly value - my friends closest to me, being able to laugh at stupid shit, things like rain or naps or movies or pizza. 'Cause - in it's own way, that shit kicks ass too. The end. There's my little 'inspirational message' or some shit. Hope it wasn't (though, it probably was) too corny. I love you, anyway, sunburned and all. Mwahhhhh

Posted by Ah-Z @ 07/18/2002 04:25 PM PST