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12/12/2002 Entry: "it was decided" After much deliberation, argumentation, debation, and masturbation, the true nature of heaven zombies was settled upon by myself and Josh. It goes something like this: (using dead babies and myself as examples, of course) Ok, lets say I die and go to heaven... (it could happen... don't laugh.) The way I figure it, there probably are a whole lot of dead babies in heaven that would be rather pissed at me for making fun of them my whole life. They, most likely, would try to kick the shit out of me. Normally I'd be worried about this... y'know, 10 bazillion saved dead babies trying to kill me. However, in heaven I get whatever I want, right? So I'll have a couple of chain fed depleted uranium stock rail gun uzis at my disposal, I figure. Right... So that's going to be a whole lot of dead saved dead baby mush. (babysauce?) However, herein lies the problem. How can you die if you are already dead? Especially if you are in heaven? Well... we figure you don't. You turn into a zombie. An Undead saved dead baby heaven zombie. So now what? As many of you know, I FUCKING HATE ZOMBIES!! I really do... they fucking annoy the shit out of me. Well, the undead as a whole tend to piss me off, but especially zombies, 'cause they are sooo annoying. Luckily, in heaven I would also have a shotgun that I could reload with my mind, Army of Darkness style. So yea... those undead saved dead baby heaven zombies wouldn't have much of a chance. As it is saved dead babies probably aren't that quick, I figure (little legs), so zombie saved dead babies would probably be even slower. Now this led us to another interesting question... what happens when you kill an undead saved dead baby heaven zombie? Which led us then to ask, what happens when you kill a normal zombie? Do they have a soul in the first place? Fuck if I know, we never answered that. What we DID figure out, however, is that every time you kill an undead saved dead baby heaven zombie God kills a kitten, and Buddah eats the baby. That's why he's so fat. The End.
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Posted by AH-Z @ 05/10/2002 01:08 AM PST Hey, Seager! Can I kick you in the nuts? Posted by The Posp @ 05/09/2002 03:25 PM PST
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