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12/14/2005 Entry: "my job"

Customer has a complaint.
Customer asks for a manager.
Manager (me) politely explains that the customer if a fucking dipship and should shut the hell up. Politely.
Customer pretends like he/she is bests friends with the owner because he made them a few burritos once.
Customer demands owners number because, obviously, I don't know what I'm talking about.

or

Customer wants a manager.
Customer realizes I'm the manager.
Customer asks for owner's number because they realize I won't fall for their bullshit since I've witnessed everything.

or

Customer calls on phone bitching about how much sour cream they got on the side when they were in the store earlier (why didn't they bitch then?)
Customer is informed that you always only get that much.
Customer claims owner gives them more.
Customer is informed that you always only get that much.
Customer asks when owner is working next.

then

Same customer calls back 20 minutes later.
Customer complains about getting an "8th the regular amount of sour cream."
Customer is asked if she was the one that called earlier but denies it.
Customer asks to "register a complaint."
Customer is blown off because I fucking hate liars and she can suck a dick.
(note: she was complaining about a 25 cent side of sour cream)

None of 'em ever have the balls to do anything about it the next day when they're sober, so fuck 'em. I'll take them seriously until I catch them in a lie. After that I start lieing back.

A tip for eating at my resteraunt:
Name dropping the owner's name will not make me like you. Yes, he made you a burrito. Yes, he was nice to you. You and every other fucker in this damn town. Oh my, you know him? Join the fucking club and shut up. I'm not going to "hook you up" or be afraid of you tattling on me for not "hooking you up." I'm not intimidated by your name dropping. He's not going to side with you over me about anything, you egomaniacal crazy bitch, especially if you are trying to get extra food or special treatment. Your tits will not save you. One day I will find you and kill you for this. I'm making a list and you are now on it.

I swear, this job is like having the dumbest people in town thrown at you constantly.

Furthermore, all you people that let hot chicks get away with being stupid bitches and give them special treatment need to fucking stop. You are making my job harder. I want all of you to fucking hit the next soho with nice tits that you see tomorrow in the face with a crowbar in order to offset their deep seeded conditioning that they can get away with anything. Hit them in the face and then pee on them. Don't forget to call them "fat" while you do it. Carry the crowbar with you the entire day. Any time you see one of them ask for something they don't deserve take out one of their joints. If anyone gives them something they don't deserve*, or tries to help them (they don't deserve help), take out their knees too. This will help make the world a better place.

*note: In case you've missed the point, just because you think they are hot doesn't mean they deserve whatever they are asking for. Tits and Ass != Worth. Tits and Ass also != the right to extra sour cream for free or to not have me break your wrists for asking for it. No, you cannot have a shot of olives. Sorry to let you all down.

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