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12/14/2002 Entry: "leprosy and vaginas" Today's words for the day are LEPROSY and VAGINAS! Although not at the same time. Leprosy will come before the vaginas (much like many men, I hear) So, yesterday I had to give this big report on leprosy for my micro class. That sucked. I could go into great detail about it, but I won't, cause I bet none of you give shit about microbiology or the immune system. However, in our search for information on leprosy we found *drum roll* LEPROSY HAIKU'S!! Now, before I post my favorites, I have to point out that they deal mostly with the common myth of leprosy that it causes your fingers and other body parts to fall off. This isn't true. That myth was caused because it causes sensory nerve damage in your extremities. So you can't feel your fingers, toes, ears, etc. Back in the day the lepers would go to sleep, and while they slept rats and other vermin would chew their fingers and toes off. Then they would wake up with their finger lying there, so they figured it must have just fallen off. This is what causes the myth. On a related note, if you have advanced leprosy it's also a good idea to put plugs in your nose, or else flies will fly in there and lay eggs, and then you'll have a maggot infestation in your schnozz. This, obviously, would suck. And now my favorite haikus (keep in mind I found these, I did not write these):
Sorry if I offended any lepers out there, but maybe you shouldn't have sinned and been turned into one of the walking dead by Mr. Vengeful God in the first place, should ya? And now, VAGINAS! (<--- might be my coolest link, ever) Or... actually, Modular Vaginas, or, in laymen's terms, Replacement Pussy. Let me elaborate. This is my new get rich quick scheme. Basically, it's a way for me to get rich off of chicks who have sex, while doing them a favor. I call it the replacement pussy. It's like a pussy cartridge. You pop the old used one out, and slip in the brand new untainted one. It's like a brand new pussy. 19.95 at Walmart. (You can't get more "family friendly" than that, if you know what I mean) You look confused, let me explain further. Say you are a rather slutty girl who's getting married to a guy with a rather a normal sized penis and you want your wedding night sex to resemble something out of "Lolita" instead of "Journey to The Center of the Earth." You simply pop out that old floppy pussy and replace it with the "CheggBrand Virgin Replacement Pussy" and suddenly it's like prom night all over again. For you truly adventurous girls you can even purchase the addition "CheggBrand Reusable Hymen" for that sheet staining wedding night experience. This new vagina is guaranteed to wear and tear (hee hee) just like a normal vagina, and is fully replaceable if happen to wear that one out as well. (Although if you wear out two vagina's in one lifetime you are one slutty chick!) Or... say you are a prostitute and you are tired of hearing the Gonorrhea squish every time you sit down. Simply take out that skanky cesspool of a hoo-haa you've created and slip in a new one. You can choose from a variety of sizes ranging from "My first day on the job" to "Bea Arthur couldn't find any better work." Genius! Or... Say you are a 10 year old girl and you just can't wait to take a spin on Daddy's meat rocket, but you are afraid of your pelvis popping like a hand grenade. Slip out that teeny wuss of a pussy and slip in a "CheggBrand Casual Daddy Sex" pussy. Then you can ride Daddy 'til Mom comes home and not worry about changing the sheets. Then slip your old pussy back in after words and you're 13 year old boyfriend's finger will never know the difference! (in Ozzie's case substitute 10 year old for 8 year old and "Daddy" for "Horse") And that, my friends (if I have any of you left after reading this) is how I'm going to get rich and change the world. And just think, You'll be able to say you knew back when I just a sick fucker with a website! (btw, thanks to the people who comment, you make updating this site worthwhile) Speaking of friends, I leave you a final leprosy haiku:
Replies: 62 People give a shit!
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Posted by Xanax buy online @ 10/26/2 00:00 PST orleans initially noamount happening developed associazioni stretching baxer broadening reimbursable unusually shiprae Posted by buy levitra no prescription @ 10/25/2009 11:00 PM PST Hmm. . . mildly offensive to some, I would contend. But frankly, it takes a lot to offend me at this point. For instance, a friend of mine just sent out this email about the new date rape drug that women use to seduce men, called "beer." That is offensive. Frankly. It's absolutely wrong, if for no other reason than men are the ones stupid enough to drink beer in the first place. It's not like you drink something, and then go, "Oh shit, that was just beer I drank," and then proceed to drink more of it. No. You drink beer to get drunk, what happens to you when you're drunk is your own damn problem. So I wasn't offended, but to be honest, I didn't think it was all that funny either. I don't know, vaginas and stuff usually don't amuse me. (Hmm, that sounded kind of homosexual.) I don't know. It's a nice concept and stuff, but really not my thing. Either way, keep it up, this is an enjoyable web diary, cutey pie. (Yeah, that sounded quite homosexual.) Posted by Beep @ 04/29/2002 04:41 PM PST i really was not offended by that... at all. good lord, some people. Posted by winter @ 04/28/2002 04:01 AM PST Oh, come on. If you don't like it, don't read it. And certainly don't make flaming generalizations about a personality based on a couple of lame ramblings. That being said: I love Seager's cock, Posted by Katy @ 04/25/2002 10:48 PM PST That was offensive and I don't appreciate it. Not trying to cause another on-line riot, but - I really didn't care for that. To put it mildly. I realize that you like to joke - that's cool. Don't turn me in to a bitch on this one. Everybody has their own lines, but - that totally crossed mine. It turns women in to nothing more then their vaginas - and that is viewed only in relation to how it can please the male. The part about the wedding night? You think that's pleasant? The bit about the incest? THAT was totally out of line. To trivialize child abuse, sexual abuse, and molestation solely for the purpose of an example - for comedy - is disgusting. It honestly is not funny in any way possible. It honestly made me feel sick to my stomach. The End. Posted by Ah-Z @ 04/25/2002 09:18 PM PST
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